Originality Not an Impossibility

Throughout great hardship rest assured the hearts of all...

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 19:41:52 -0400

Throughout great hardship rest assured the hearts of all altruist are united by an indomitable will to mend what is broken.

Now that’s how you stuff an Easter basket! Side Note: Word...

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 23:24:00 -0400

Now that’s how you stuff an Easter basket!

Side Note: Word to the wise, insert that carrot in the wrong orifice and it’s going to resemble a partially melted Cadbury Crème Egg.

If Pornstar Workout was a part of Michelle Obama’s...

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 15:30:24 -0400

If Pornstar Workout was a part of Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move! campaign 80% of men would have six pack abs.

Side Note: Me and Wreckx-n-Effect are now simpatico. Elegant Angel unites more perverts than Chatroulette.

The paparazzi have never been safer. Side Note: Cameras seem to...

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 12:26:00 -0400

The paparazzi have never been safer.

Side Note: Cameras seem to inspire so much hate. Trading my life savings for Instagram stock was a bigger mistake than the Colin Farrel Total Recall.

No Pork'n Without Bacon... Condoms!

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 10:30:31 -0400

Recently Bill Gates threw down the gauntlet asking inventors to come up with a Next Generation Condom. A condom that significantly preserves or enhances pleasure, in order to improve uptake and regular use.

J&D’s picked that gauntlet up. GAME ON, BILLY BOY!

J&D’s Bacon Condoms™ are made for the bacon lover who has everything with the exception of STD’s and child support payments. These pork prophylactics are made from latex and designed to hold more spunk than Emma Stone’s frontal cortex.

Not sure if bacon themed condoms are kosher so gift wisely.

Side Note: It’s all novelty fun until this recession hits bottom and cannibals are eating dicks with scrambled eggs. (Yes, that was gross. I hate scrambled eggs!)

Side Note: Charles Dance hasn’t aged much in 27 years,...

Fri, 08 Mar 2013 15:35:00 -0500

Side Note: Charles Dance hasn’t aged much in 27 years, maybe he’s a vampire…

Let this dispel the myth that all clowns wear make-up. Side...

Mon, 04 Mar 2013 16:39:00 -0500

Let this dispel the myth that all clowns wear make-up.

Side Note: I don’t give a care what that nigga awkwardly struts next to. Drake is forever Wheelchair Jimmy.

Testing a bulletproof vest calls for 3 things bulletproof...

Sun, 03 Mar 2013 22:00:00 -0500

Testing a bulletproof vest calls for 3 things

bulletproof vest
live ammunition
a test dummy (jorts optional)

Side Note: I don’t advocate stupidity or gun violence but… anyone else wish this video ended like the Zapruder film?

The question every Knicks fan wants answered. Side Note: I can...

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 22:20:00 -0500

The question every Knicks fan wants answered.

Side Note: I can hear the quim floodgates being lifted. Thank you, JR Smith.

Only Mario could get away with questions like that. Side Note:...

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 21:05:19 -0500

Only Mario could get away with questions like that.

Side Note: If JR spent less time on Twitter and more time practicing maybe the Knicks wouldn’t have got blown out by 34 on Wedenesday.

They both learned lessons that will last a lifetime. Side Note:...

Fri, 18 Jan 2013 11:03:00 -0500

They both learned lessons that will last a lifetime.

Side Note: If that bunny licked the entire porcupine it would still be able to say “I’ve had less pricks in my mouth than Karrine Steffans.”

Harvey the Cockatiel chirping “First of the Year...

Wed, 16 Jan 2013 22:56:20 -0500

Harvey the Cockatiel chirping “First of the Year (Equinox).” Tweety Bird who?

Side Note: Someone get me five cockatiel’s and tell Skrillex “game on motherfucker!”

Kido the Cat beats the short-con like a bawse. I wonder if Kido...

Wed, 16 Jan 2013 08:06:45 -0500

Kido the Cat beats the short-con like a bawse. I wonder if Kido can count cards…

Kido was abandoned twice by two different families due to various reasons in the first 6 months of his life. When he was about to be listed on a shelter’s kill-list, I met him and he has become the love of my life since then. I could never understand how people would abandon a sweet and fun kitty like Kido. It’s their loss and I hope they will realize. I hope all homeless animals can find their forever loving home. - Kido’s Owner

For more information on animals in need and how you can help visit http://brooklynanimalaction.org/

Side Note: If I knew making girls scream was as easy as playing the shell game and winning, I still wouldn’t be able to make girls scream…

People have been playing with cellulose/plastic picks for so...

Wed, 16 Jan 2013 08:04:10 -0500

People have been playing with cellulose/plastic picks for so long, everything really sounds the same - it’s time for an evolution of sound. - Dustin and Stephanie

Nashville artisans Dustin and Stephanie are here to help you rock like a young Scrooge McDuck. D&S have crafted guitar picks out of genuine US coins, meant to change the tone of a player’s performance. The picks come in a wide variety sure to satisfy the inner numismatist in you.

Side Note: This post inspired Two-Face to start a band.

In one glorious play Ron Artest steals, dunks, misses, scores,...

Mon, 14 Jan 2013 12:12:00 -0500

In one glorious play Ron Artest steals, dunks, misses, scores, and soaks some panties. Multitasking hasn’t looked this easy since Bert’s “One-Man-Band.”

Side Note: I just connected Ron Artest and Mary Poppins. There are no medals for creativity but I just made myself a gold one. Is there no end to my savant-like brilliance?

Beyond the beauty, the sex, the titillation, the surface, there...

Mon, 14 Jan 2013 10:30:35 -0500

Beyond the beauty, the sex, the titillation, the surface, there is a human being. And that has to emerge. - Jeanne Moreau

heckaneato: The mother fuckin’ album cover y’all. The...

Sat, 12 Jan 2013 04:28:00 -0500

heckaneato:

The mother fuckin’ album cover y’all.

The super-sized superstar Billy the Fridge’s latest album “Old Fashioned”.

Side Note: Aptly named album. Billy is old school like a Rick Rude pre-match putdown or missionary sex with limited hip movement.

Unsuspecting mouse grabbed by hungry hawk. Where’s Chris...

Sat, 12 Jan 2013 04:25:00 -0500

Unsuspecting mouse grabbed by hungry hawk. Where’s Chris Hansen when you need him?

Side Note: I wrote a Stuart Little screenplay that ended exactly like this. Nature might soon find itself in a courtroom facing copyright infringement.

Does the USA suck at making foreign flags, or do we out define...

Sat, 12 Jan 2013 04:24:00 -0500

Does the USA suck at making foreign flags, or do we out define Merriam-Webster when it comes to the word “irony?”

Side Note: Show of hands; anyone else glad Macbook’s aren’t made in the USA?

bunnypoosalad: Bunny Poo Salad episode 8 Bunny Poo Salad...

Fri, 11 Jan 2013 06:21:00 -0500

bunnypoosalad:

Bunny Poo Salad episode 8

Bunny Poo Salad is a surreal comedy web series that’s more mind bending than Eddie Izzard’s legs in a dress.

Sky1 needs to cut the check so these fine folks can start quantum shifting the audience into a different state of awareness.

Side Note: If I knew Bunny Poo Salad came from Duncan Skinner’s mind I wouldn’t have wasted all that money on rabbit rectums and lettuce.