You know you’re in a bad part of town when the cops are getting robbed.
Side Note: Now I see why The Fresh Prince got the fuck out of Philly.
Corbin Dunn’s Tandem Unicycle is like a Bat-Signal for the perpetual friend in need.
Side Note: I know you can’t reinvent the wheel but at Corbin’s Treehouse they’ll give a wheel some serious identity issues.
Gib the French Bulldog tries to take a poop and is startled by the sound of his own fart. Oddly enough the same thing happens to Ann Coulter when she tries to poop.
FYI - Ann’s farts sound eerily similar to Hitler’s Triumph des Willens.
Side Note: I don’t blame Gib for being scared, the asshole can be scary. In a weird way that makes gay men braver than us all. Whole new reason to be proud fellas!
Routine traffic stop turns into another reason to hate elderly motorists …and monkeys …especially monkeys.
Side Note: First time in history a monkey on the back has saved someone from getting a speeding ticket.
Drunk drivers take note.
Now that’s how you stuff an Easter basket!
Side Note: Word to the wise, insert that carrot in the wrong orifice and it’s going to resemble a partially melted Cadbury Crème Egg.
The paparazzi have never been safer.
Side Note: Cameras seem to inspire so much hate. Trading my life savings for Instagram stock was a bigger mistake than the Colin Farrel Total Recall.
Side Note: Charles Dance hasn’t aged much in 27 years, maybe he’s a vampire…
Let this dispel the myth that all clowns wear make-up.
Side Note: I don’t give a care what that nigga awkwardly struts next to. Drake is forever Wheelchair Jimmy.
The question every Knicks fan wants answered.
Side Note: I can hear the quim floodgates being lifted. Thank you, JR Smith.
Only Mario could get away with questions like that.
Side Note: If JR spent less time on Twitter and more time practicing maybe the Knicks wouldn’t have got blown out by 34 on Wedenesday.
Harvey the Cockatiel chirping “First of the Year (Equinox).” Tweety Bird who?
Side Note: Someone get me five cockatiel’s and tell Skrillex “game on motherfucker!”
They both learned lessons that will last a lifetime.
Side Note: If that bunny licked the entire porcupine it would still be able to say “I’ve had less pricks in my mouth than Karrine Steffans.”
Kido the Cat beats the short-con like a bawse. I wonder if Kido can count cards…
In one glorious play Ron Artest steals, dunks, misses, scores, and soaks some panties. Multitasking hasn’t looked this easy since Bert’s “One-Man-Band.”
Side Note: I just connected Ron Artest and Mary Poppins. There are no medals for creativity but I just made myself a gold one. Is there no end to my savant-like brilliance?
Does the USA suck at making foreign flags, or do we out define Merriam-Webster when it comes to the word “irony?”
Side Note: Show of hands; anyone else glad Macbook’s aren’t made in the USA?