Now that’s how you stuff an Easter basket!
Side Note: Word to the wise, insert that carrot in the wrong orifice and it’s going to resemble a partially melted Cadbury Crème Egg.
The paparazzi have never been safer.
Side Note: Cameras seem to inspire so much hate. Trading my life savings for Instagram stock was a bigger mistake than the Colin Farrel Total Recall.
Side Note: Charles Dance hasn’t aged much in 27 years, maybe he’s a vampire…
Let this dispel the myth that all clowns wear make-up.
Side Note: I don’t give a care what that nigga awkwardly struts next to. Drake is forever Wheelchair Jimmy.
Testing a bulletproof vest calls for 3 things
- bulletproof vest
- live ammunition
- a test dummy (jorts optional)
Side Note: I don’t advocate stupidity or gun violence but… anyone else wish this video ended like the Zapruder film?
Only Mario could get away with questions like that.
Side Note: If JR spent less time on Twitter and more time practicing maybe the Knicks wouldn’t have got blown out by 34 on Wedenesday.
They both learned lessons that will last a lifetime.
Side Note: If that bunny licked the entire porcupine it would still be able to say “I’ve had less pricks in my mouth than Karrine Steffans.”
Harvey the Cockatiel chirping “First of the Year (Equinox).” Tweety Bird who?
Side Note: Someone get me five cockatiel’s and tell Skrillex “game on motherfucker!”
In one glorious play Ron Artest steals, dunks, misses, scores, and soaks some panties. Multitasking hasn’t looked this easy since Bert’s “One-Man-Band.”
Side Note: I just connected Ron Artest and Mary Poppins. There are no medals for creativity but I just made myself a gold one. Is there no end to my savant-like brilliance?
The mother fuckin’ album cover y’all.
The super-sized superstar Billy the Fridge’s latest album “Old Fashioned”.
Side Note: Aptly named album. Billy is old school like a Rick Rude pre-match putdown or missionary sex with limited hip movement.
Unsuspecting mouse grabbed by hungry hawk. Where’s Chris Hansen when you need him?
Side Note: I wrote a Stuart Little screenplay that ended exactly like this. Nature might soon find itself in a courtroom facing copyright infringement.
Does the USA suck at making foreign flags, or do we out define Merriam-Webster when it comes to the word “irony?”
Side Note: Show of hands; anyone else glad Macbook’s aren’t made in the USA?
Bunny Poo Salad episode 8
Bunny Poo Salad is a surreal comedy web series that’s more mind bending than Eddie Izzard’s legs in a dress.
Sky1 needs to cut the check so these fine folks can start quantum shifting the audience into a different state of awareness.
Side Note: If I knew Bunny Poo Salad came from Duncan Skinner’s mind I wouldn’t have wasted all that money on rabbit rectums and lettuce.
At last we’ve found the source of Rosie O’Donnell’s orgasms. I laugh heartily at those fools who said she couldn’t be stimulated by penetration!
Side Note: Taco Bell will have this on their menu by Friday.
